NOT TWENTY-NINE
According to my birth records, I turn 29 today. It sounds like a serious age and I don’t know if I like that. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel different-perhaps wiser, calmer, more grounded? What I do know is that I have come to realize some practical life lessons over time. You didn’t ask me but I’m going to share them anyway.
You can learn anything… with the right motivation
I’ve always considered driving a herculean task. The plan was to keep working hard till I was rich enough to afford a driver. Sometime last year, my mum loaned me her car for driving lessons. I struggled so much, and it didn’t look like I would ever grasp the simplest concepts of moving a car. Fast forward to some months later. I got off work, but I couldn’t leave because it was raining heavily. It was getting dark, so I had to get in the rain. As water dripped down my face, all I could think of was the fact that there was a car at home that could have saved me from this experience. That was my motivation. I can’t remember how but I drove to work the next morning. I did hit a parked car, but I got to work in one piece. My friends were kind enough to give me driving lessons after that and my driving gradually got better. I still think everyone on the road is trying to kill me, but I now drive myself to and from work everyday.
You’re not supposed to befriend your work colleagues
I find this pill hard to swallow because how can I not be friends with people I interact with at least 40 hours every week? Sadly, I have learnt that it may be wiser to keep things professional, but not in the way you’re thinking. A while back, I started a new job and I was weary of being too friendly at first. Then I realized I worked with amazing people, and we bonded really quickly. The heartbreaks came when they started leaving for better opportunities. Ultimately, we all aim for better career opportunities, and I am delighted for my friends, but it has been hard to say goodbye every single time.
So, do not make friends at work because they will leave, it will hurt so much and your workspace will never feel the same.
You cannot please people
I think we all know this one, but this could be a reminder. People are weird. They will always have unsolicited opinions but you cannot live for people. You live for yourself. You do things because that’s what you want. I’ve been skinny for most of my life and I’ve heard the silliest comments: “don’t you eat?” “are you on a diet?” “is it the books? Take it easy oh” I even had people come up to me and make a ring round my wrists with their thumb and index finger to “show how tiny my wrists were”. I finally got lucky late 2020 and started gaining weight. I was taken aback when I started seeing comments like “what are you eating?” “you need to start exercising”. Exercising what? Can I catch a break? It was annoying at first but really, I know I love my new body and even if I needed some external validation, the people I consider important think I look great. I just focus on that to drown the noise.
No one is coming to save you
Don’t get me wrong. Support systems do exist but in the actual sense, you have to pick yourself up. You must be your own cheerleader. You must put in the work. You’re never going to get that dream job or get better at that skill if you don’t make an effort. Honestly, I hate being responsible for my own success and happiness but I have two choices: sit around and mope or get up and work on my goals. I’ll choose the latter.
You’re not busy, you’re probably just disorganised
I often make daily TODO lists, but I hardly cross out more than 50% of the items on that list. That usually leaves me unfulfilled even if I had put in a lot of work that day. A while back, I read some personal development articles and that got me thinking. I had two major problems. Firstly, I was making impractical lists filled with things that weren’t priority as at the time I was making them. Secondly, I was letting little irrelevant things take up my time instead of focusing on the important things. I’ve decided to work on these two things. If you hardly ever get anything done on your TODO lists too, you should reevaluate. Do you want to finish writing that report or do you want to spend the next hour deleting mails from sites you should have unsubscribed from in the first place?
Since I cannot control my age or time in general, I have decided to just take it all in and learn the ropes as I go. I’m holding on to my inner child. I’m not going to suddenly stop popping bubble wraps, sneaking out at night to drink ribena, or blowing bubbles with chewing gum. Who makes these rules anyway?
